Pull this thread as I walk away...

Ever had a overachieving zit? The kind of zit that really shouldn't even be called a zit, but have some special, painful shuddery name like "Pus Mountain of Doom." A super-zit can only ascend (descend?) to doom-dom when it is has achieved the following trifecta:

1. Pain. If you don't feel the zit from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed, you don't have a superzit. Looking at it should be painful. Touching it should be excruciating. Trying to pop the thing should bring back fond memories of dental surgery without anestetic. Or, as Cary Elwes said best, "To the pain . . .It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery, forever."
2. Size. In two ways. First, it must be big--involving multiple pores and rivaling your front teeth for prominence. Second, it must be, uh, tall? It 's not so much that it's sooo big, but that it's the first thing that passes through the door, with the rest of your face trailing behind.
   
3. Location. A superzit can't be in some easy to conceal location like your upper thigh or on your shoulder. A superzit must be conspiciously located so as to draw maximum attention, which is to say located on your face. Bonus points if it is in a really painful area of your face to get a zit, like just inside your nostril (but still red and big enough to garner attention from your helpful coworkers giving you the discrete 'wipe your nose' gesture in the staff meeting).

Yeah. I haven't had one of those either. I was just sayin'.