Today is my 5th anniversary and I weigh NINETY-FIVE pounds less than I did 154 days ago. I have to keep deleting this sentence because I am so tempted to caveat this loss with "and still more to go" or some such nonsense, but the thing is, I've lost 95 freaking pounds, and that kind of weight loss should just stand alone.

95 pounds ago, I was miserable every single day. I had a hard time finding things to fit my expansive body. My legs would get so swollen by the end of the day just from sitting. I couldn't reach around and wipe my own byu-tocks (family pronunciation) without grabbing the hand rails or the wall or something to brace myself. Walking for any amount of time left me breathless and made my feet ache. Mostly, I was embarrassed to just be. Just BEING was embarrassing, so doing day to day activities could be mortifying.

154 days later, I wake up happy for the morning. I still have a hard time finding things that fit--but only because the sizes in my closet don't go much past 22-24, and I'm an 18-20 now. My legs don't get swollen, but sometimes my calves are tight--from all the walking and exercising I do all day long. Wiping doesn't require calisthenics. I now VOLUNTARILY walk 1.5 miles to work each day because it feels good and because I want to fit in another little bit of exercise into my day whenever I can. I'm not embarrassed now--I feel cute and even a little sex-ay some days.

I spent the weekend getting (more) new clothes to replace the ones I've shrunk out of in the last two months. In plus sizes, I'm a solid 18/20 top, or 1X and a 20W bottom (I started at bursting 26/28s and a few 30/32's). In REGULAR sizes, I can wear a lot of XXL tops or stretch pants. I can't yet fit into regular bottoms sizes, but it's only a matter of time! I can wear men's XL clothing with no problem. I've gone from a size 13! underwear to a size 8. Even my shoe size has dropped from a 10W to a 9 or 9.5 regular. I've had to replace my watch and rearrange what rings get worn where. I have a 16" necklace now that isn't a lesson on asphyxiation.

I haven't started dating, but I've started the process (I'm signed up on several online dating sites and have friends looking for me). I'm really freaked out by the idea of dating, so I'm pretty happy that things are going slow on this front! :)

Let's talk food for a minute here. Before WLS, I was a picky mostly vegetarian who subsisted on chocolate, ice cream, burritos, and deep-fried whatever. I refused to touch chicken. I was the very definition of a carb loader (cookies, chips, pasta, pizza, bread....)

Now, I start the day with water and 4 vitamins (multi, B12, Biotin, and Cod Liver Oil). For breakfast, I have either a soy patty and a 1 oz piece of cheese or a protein bar. For lunch, I have deli meat with a slice of cheese (LF) on a LF tortilla with mustard, or a chicken caesar salad (no dressing, add tomatoes & cucumbers) and a calcium pill. For a snack, I usually have a protein bar (I get hungry around 4-6pm, and I am normally working until 8-9pm, so this bar is a life saver). For dinner, I have beans/rice, or a South Beach dinner, or something similar. I take a multi before bed and that's it. I drink either water or iced/hot tea all day long...usually 30-60oz a day. I easily get 60g of protein in a day--today, for example, I got in 90g.

I don't tolerate sugar *at all* so, I steer clear of what used to be my biggest diet downfall--ice cream and chocolate (although I do get some chocolate in my protein bar). High fat foods also make me queasy, so I limit my intake (but sometimes I test that limit with cheesy foods).

I am a FIXTURE at the gym. The closers at my curves expect me to come in practically every day (and I try to oblige!). At my last monthly weigh in, I'd posted a total loss of -40.75 inches (and their highest weight for me is 20-30 pounds less than my all time high). The gym owner had to make a new wall category for me--the -40 inch star. Other members ask ME what my *secret* is (which feels CRAZY, by the way, because the folks who ask me underweigh me by at least 50 pounds....I feel like telling them don't become morbidly obese in the first place and then you won't even need my *secret*).

I'm now the quirky office person who is "so healthy they make me sick." I routinely refuse cake/cookies/halloween candy/pizza/donuts (you would too if they made you puke!). I leave the office by 7:15pm every day to run to the gym (even if I have to come right back in afterwords). I run down the hall to grab this or that or to speak to a colleague (I used to think that was what email/msn/intercoms/employees were for).

I can't wait for people who haven't seen me in a while to see me again. I wish my 10 year high school reunion was this year, instead of last year (I didn't go, duh). I can't WAIT for Christmas--my families (close and extended) will be shocked. Actually, what I can't wait for is to see the Chairman of our Board of Directors. He's a Turkish man who speaks little English (he has an interpreter). Being Turkish, and in charge, and blunter than necessary, he chided me when I was first hired about my weight and even told me to "loose some weight for next time" he saw me. He's coming for a visit to our office in January and I cannot be happier to have him say something bluntly *flattering* for once!!

It's my goal to be at -100 by Halloween (and since that it -5 in a week, my *alternate* goal is to be at -100 by November 3rd, when my best friend comes to town). It's my goal to be at 215 by Thanksgiving (17 pounds from now in a month's time) and to be at 199 by New Years (33 pounds from now in two month's time). I know that these are aggressive goals, given that my weight loss will (and has) begun to slow down a bit more. I want to push myself to be aggressive in my eating (questioning my food choices--doing the best thing, not the easiest thing) and aggressive in my exercise (bump up my exercise to a mandatory 4x a week instead of 3x,) and keep finding ways to work in a work out (I like the sound of that) on weekends, and just keep busy during the day.

Just to put myself out there for next year too--I'd like to be at 180 by Valentines Day (2/20) or my 9 month anniversary (2/24). That's another 50 pound drop in the next 4 months.

I want to have the final 25 pounds gone by my 1 year anniversary (5/24/06). That will mean 67 more pounds gone in the next 7 months, which seems totally doable!

And, finally, I want to spend my 30th birthday AT GOAL (or below) with my boyfriend (who, although currently unnamed, is purported to be a tall, intelligent, muscle-y hunk who adores me) in Australia. Which means I have 9.5 months to lose 67 pounds, find a hunky boyfriend, and book tickets to Sydney. I know you'll send good karma my way! :)

Happy Anniversary to Moi.